Subscribe to Good Fortune – Be “Type 4”

Humans come in all shapes and sizes. The only thing that is true about people is that “people change” and that is constant.

We change… all the time, due to circumstances within and outside our control. Our attitude, behavior and personality changes with time and experience. We behave differently with different people depending on our perspective at the time.

Although we all change and keep changing, all of us fall under one or more of the following types –

Type 1 – The Nice People. These are the kind of folks that always offer to do good but cannot, due to circumstances outside their control. Like the people who offer to share your resume, but do not really know where to. Or the people who talk about having so many connections, that they don’t know who to really reach out to when you need them to. These are the nice, but helpless folks. And we have all been Type 1 at some point in some way or form in our lives.

Type 2 – The Busy People. The kind of folks who want to do good, selfless acts, but will not. Because they are too busy, too focused on their ambitions to spare a thought about anyone else asking for help. So even though they can help and do good, they tend not to.

Type 3 – The Not-so-Nice People. Too self-involved to do good or to help out because they do not want anyone else to be better than them because of greed, envy, covetousness, and an all-round desire to be superior to anyone else. These people do no good because they choose not to. Not because they cannot, but because they do not want to.

Type 4 – The Angels in Disguise. These are the genuinely sweet people who will always do the right thing, do the good thing and might even go out of their way to do something to help – be it emotionally, professionally, financially, or personally. These folks are few and far between. If you have found a Type 4 in your list, hold on to them because they are rare and if you are a “Type 4”, God bless you – You will be subscribing to good fortune 😊

I wish I could be a Type 4 always, but not everyone can, because we are sometimes Type 1 or Type 2 depending on the time, situation, and place in our lives. But I hope I am never a Type 3 – If you think, I am talking about you, well, then you might need an attitude adjustment. But seriously, do not be a Type 3. It really does not help anyone – does not even help you if you are one.

This could not have been truer when it comes to doing good or helping others in their times of need, be it financial, emotional, economical, professional and/or personal. In the last couple of months, we have had to go through a lot – from health issues to car accidents to being laid off… We ran the whole wide gamut of emotions, and we are still reeling. And we have met and experienced all 4 Types of people and were incredibly surprised to know that our assumptions about the folks in our lives were all wrong.

WOW! We were surprised!!! Those whom we thought of as Type 1, turned out to be Type 4!!! And those whom we thought of as Type 4, turned out to be Type 3 – Can you imagine!!!! We realized that to be in a peaceful environment for mental and emotional stability, we would need to weed out the “Type 3” out of our lives. And you will only realize who they are in times of adversity 😊, which we did – shocking even ourselves…LOL!!

Do you want to subscribe to “Good Fortune”? The Type 4 folks do, simply by being. Their helpful kindness will ensure that they are always in the top of the list in the “Good Book.” I wish we all were Type 4. It might be humanly impossible, but with faith all things are possible (From the Bible – Matthew 19:26)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Galatians 6:9-10 (NIV)

The Illusion of Success

I do not understand what this word “Success” means. What does it mean exactly? The meaning as defined in the dictionary is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.”

What are the accomplishments that make up for a person being successful?

• Is it having more money? A big house?
• A big family? A big life? A great job?
• A high profile job? Are you successful if you are the president of a country? Or the CEO of a company?

What is it that makes a person successful? And why do we think that others are not? We are so consumed by looking at the lives of the rich and famous, that we think that they are very successful. That to be successful means to be a celebrity or rich. Why are these examples held up as epitomes of success?

An accomplishment can be anything – So anyone who has ever achieved something in his life (without hurting or harming anyone else) can be a successful person. Everyone wants to be successful – yet no one knows what it means exactly.

You might say that having a great job after all hardship is being successful in life. I might argue that having a loving family means, that I have achieved something wonderful in life. Which one of us is right? If none of us is, then we do not really know what success is. And if both of us are, right, then why are we holding money or riches as an example of success when having a family and love is also an achievement?

We all know about the “How to be successful” books, the self-help guides, the pep talks and the guidance sessions and so on. However, how much do these actually help a real person? Some of it, no doubt is good. But for the most part, it is not useful. For some of us, getting up every day in good spirits, is itself an achievement – why are we not celebrating that as a successful achievement?

There are no failures – Even a failure is an achievement in learning – and failure can be celebrated. We may feel sad that we failed at something – but the lesson we learn from that failure is again something to be happy about.

The world has a skewed idea of accomplishments and success. We forget to remember the smallest things that we do can also be counted as an achievement. We only celebrate the “big” things – which we think are accomplishments. Like graduation, or getting a job or getting married or getting a promotion or buying a house or a car. No doubt, these are accomplishments in their own right – But to hold them up as examples of what success looks like is unfair and biased.

Remember the little things –

• Were you able to make it through the day without feeling lost? Yes – That is an amazing accomplishment.
• Do you have people in your life who care for you and whom you care about? – Yes – That is another thing to celebrate.
• Are you alone and still manage to keep going? – Yes – Brilliant accomplishment right there.
• Were you kind to someone today? – Yes – Pat yourself on the back- you made someone’s day brighter. An achievement in itself.

Celebrate the little things – Always. The smallest things make the biggest accomplishments. The world needs to remember that.

Prayer – The need of the hour.

There is no reason for committing an act of violence. Police brutality is nothing new. Abuse of power and position is not unheard of. The incident in Tuticorin is certainly not the first, nor will it be the last. Where there is power and inequality, there will always be violence.

This incident broke my heart. That two men were brutalised so badly by the very people who were supposed to protect them from violence is such a shameful thing. I am afraid. Yes. Not because of something that might happen to me or the people I care about.. But afraid of God’s wrath.

Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. The Bible clearly mentions this. And I don’t want to talk specifically about religion here. Everyone knows about Karma. What goes around comes around… It is the single most unified belief among all human beings – regardless of their faith.

I am afraid, that by not speaking up… By not standing up for justice not just for this atrocity, but for all those who lost lives and loved ones through senseless acts of violence, I will be incurring God’s wrath. Yet what is it that I can do to make a difference?

PRAY.

The only weapon in my arsenal. The only weapon that is so powerful, that I don’t need anything else. The need of the hour is prayer. Pray for the victims who deserve justice but were denied, pray for the families who will forever live through a senseless loss, pray for everyone going through situations of violence for no fault of their own — Pray.

There is no punishment that we can give to the perpetrators of violence, than God’s vengeance. I dread to think about the fate of every single person responsible for hurting,harming or killing another human being. Because Hell is real. It isn’t fiction or fantasy or something that exists only in books. It is very real and is unimaginably awful. Nothing on earth will prepare us for an eternity in Hell. I am afraid for everyone who is in the brink of falling into this nightmare from which there is no end.

Pray – That we will be better human beings.
Pray – That we will be kind to one another.
Pray – That we will live well and humble.
Pray — For Forgiveness and Repentance.
Pray — That there will be justice and peace.
Pray — That there will be equality and love.

Pray. Just Pray. Always.

Our father who art in heauen,
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdome come.
Thy will be done,
in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom, and the power,
and the glory, for ever.
Amen. Matthew 6 : 9-13

Judgemental Hypocrites!

We are all hypocrites. Including me. Every single one of us. And we are judgemental too. You are of course welcome to disagree and have another opinion, but the truth is – we are all judgemental hypocrites.

What exactly is hypocrisy? According to the official definition from the internet, hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case. So, let’s use it in a sentence now – “In constantly criticizing others for being intolerant while refusing to hear anyone else’s view, they are guilty of supreme hypocrisy.” Too much? Let’s break it down – If we say one thing and do another, we are guilty of hypocrisy. If we criticize someone for doing something we do ourselves, we are being hypocritical. And all of us are! I cannot emphasize this enough.

Example – Talking about how no one stands up against injustice and then not doing it ourselves – blatant hypocrisy. Stand up for it or don’t. But do not have the “holier than thou” attitude, that says no one does anything good when we aren’t doing anything ourselves, about it. We judge others for being different or for talking too loud, or for dressing a certain way – when we talk loud too and we dress in a certain way too. It is so easy to point fingers, is it not? It is the easiest thing to do. Just sit in our places and judge, talk and decide how others should be, while we are obviously better than them all – Isn’t it? Judgemental and Hypocritical!

Why though? Why are we being this way? Is it because we find it hard to be genuine? To be honest? Are we afraid of being judged ourselves, if we were to always speak the truth? What are we worried about? What is the main issue here? “Peer-pressure”. Is that it? This is the reason why we are such hypocrites? I feel it sounds silly. And yet, that is the truth. Everyone is doing it, so if I don’t do it then people will look at me differently. Everyone is saying one thing, so it must be true – even if I don’t agree with it secretly, publicly I will agree with you – Hypocrisy right there.

Stop right now. Stop judging. Stop pointing fingers. Stop advising others, when you are not following that same advice yourself. Take the High road – Always. It costs us nothing to be kind, to stand up for someone when they are being bullied or to not indulge in the judgemental criticism of someone and yet when such an opportunity presents itself, we give in to peer pressure. We don’t want to be left out of a conversation – even if the topic of that conversation is mocking someone else.

As I am writing this now, I am thinking of all the ways I am guilty of being hypocritical and I am wondering if I will even stop. It costs me nothing to write this, but to actually do what I’ve said might cost me a lot and I am not sure if I am ready to pay the price. I know every one of you reading this might be thinking the same thing.

Stop. Period.

“Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” – Luke 6:37

Please Note – This was not aimed at any particular person(s). Everything in this article is my opinion only and I am not intentionally hurting anyone. If I have inadvertently hurt or offended anyone, I apologize.

The “Indian” Etiquette.

Did you know that we “Indians” are some of the most impatient people on this planet? I don’t know of any other set of people who can be this impatient, with a total lack of basic etiquette. I’ll tell you an example, which I have seen myself, which made me stop and think. A few weeks ago we were shopping at one of the popular malls in the city and at the check out counters, we saw everyone crowding near the counters waiting impatiently to bill their items. No “etiquette”. There are no queues as such where people stand in line. People cut in front of you or sometimes push you out of the line, so they can take your spot… It isn’t first come first serve – more like just come and get served at once.

You will rarely if ever see the same scene at any Macy’s or Sears in the US. There is a queue in which everyone waits for their turn and a line behind which people stand so that no one is crowding over the counter or falling on each other. Even we Indians do it when we are in the US. So why not here? How will waiting 10 or 15 minutes more make a difference? If you are in that much of a hurry – then maybe it isn’t the correct time for you to be shopping.

I’ll give you one more example – The doctor’s office. Just last week I had been to the Doctor’s office and had to wait nearly 2 hours to see the doctor. Why? Because there was no etiquette. Of course it was first come first serve, but who will check who has come first? No one. Because people cut in, in front of you or push you to the side almost always that even if you do manage to get in first, you are still the last to see the Doc. I find it very interesting, that even well-educated, working individuals can behave this way. Is it because we are so apathetic that we cannot be bothered with basic good manners? What happened to “Slow and Steady Wins the race”?
I know we weren’t this way as kids. We were taught the value of good manners, to say “Please” and “Thank you” and to respect everyone. If you see children in school, they always stand in line and follow the rules of etiquette well. Why doesn’t that spill over into our personalities when we grow up to be adults? I never knew I was this way until I lived in the US for a few years… and even though that country has problems of its own, this basic etiquette has never been one of them. There is a discipline that is followed be it in a mall, a school, hospital or even on the freeways. And people are more courteous to others even strangers.

We Indians need to learn so much – How to be more patient – especially when waiting at an elevator, a doctor’s office and/or checkout counters. How to be more courteous – especially with people who are in the services industry – waiters, housekeeping staff and/or security guards. How to be kind – with everyone. Living in a country other than India has taught me so much about good etiquette and I feel sad that even though I learned all of it in school and might have practiced them at one time, somewhere along the way I lost it. Now, I hope I remember it all and never lose my way again when it comes to being kind, patient and courteous with everyone.

Two Way Street

You’ve undoubtedly heard of the phrase “Friendship is a two way street” and probably know what that means. Not just friendship, but any relationship in most cases must be a two way street in order for it to be successful. At what point does it become a one-way street? And what do you do then? There is only so much a person can do to reach out to another – be it a friend or family, before he/she gives up.

In today’s world of cellphones and social media, you’d think it is very easy to stay in touch with people all over the world. Well, you’d be wrong.  Don’t you just hate it, when you’ve sent a ping or a text to a friend and they don’t reply, even after you know, they have seen that ping? That is just plain rude in my book. It is simple courtesy to reply, is it not? Even if the reply is something as mundane as “Okay” or “I’ll chat later”. The idea is to at least acknowledge the sender. Why don’t we do this?

“Indifference“. Everyone is indifferent to the other. We are so busy with our routine, clock-work lives, that we become apathetic and indifferent – the two most dangerous emotions a person can feel. It makes us immune to even basic courtesy etiquette. It makes us immune to many things in fact.  And that is the saddest thing to affect the human race today.  We stop caring, stop sympathizing – we stop being human, period.

I do understand that we all are juggling multiple roles and are extremely busy on any given day and the truth is we have no time for anything other than dealing with the everyday problems in our lives. But when did that translate to being indifferent or rude to the point of ignoring others? Reaching out to someone after a long time or catching up with an old friend or meeting someone after many years is just so wonderful – if only we would reach out and it’s actually reciprocated.  Who knows someone you make time for today might touch your life someday in unexpected, extraordinary ways.  Or you could have just made someone’s day by reaching out to say hello after a long time. Never disregard the power of a simple “Hello”.

I hope in this fast paced, digitally defined, futuristic age of Artificial Intelligence, we never forget our human side and are a little more caring, a little more sensitive and a little kinder today, than we were yesterday.

The First Step

Conversations – those things we refer to as the seamless flow of information between two or more individuals. But is it really seamless? How do we start a conversation with someone? I will define “someone” here as a person whom you’ve met for the first time – maybe a stranger you need to interact with or a coworker you have never talked to, or even an acquaintance online. How do you start a conversation with this “someone”. Why am I asking this? Because, I myself need help. I am not the shy type, yet to initiate a conversation with this “someone” makes me slightly apprehensive. Even if there is nothing to be worried about, we still are. Is it that difficult to initiate a conversation?

 

It is the same thing everywhere. I feel it more now, because I recently started working again after a long break. To step into the workforce again after all this time is daunting, worrisome and leaves you with many doubts. So as a new employee in an organization – how do I feel? Let’s see if I can put it in a way that isn’t too depressing. It feels weird and maybe slightly lonely. I see so many differences now than I did before. Not one person approached me the whole day – Was it because I looked unapproachable? Or was it because I was new? I probably will not know the answer now or anytime soon. The only people I interacted with were the tech team, who helped set up my workstation. The couple of other people I interacted with were the ones I initiated a conversation with – which itself was scary.

 

The truth is, we are all afraid. Fear stops us from doing so much more than we could. What is it that we are afraid of? Perception. We are afraid of people’s perception of us. If I approach someone, what will they think? Am I too bold? And if I don’t approach, will they think I am too proud? Either perception doesn’t really paint me in a favorable light – so I avoid. Does this sound familiar? If yes, then you, like me have something to work on.

 

How do we get around this fear of perception? I don’t have a quick fix for this one. If you are new to an organization, just walk up to someone and introduce yourself and talk. Easier said than done, I know, but stop thinking about what the other person may or may not think. It was rightly said, what another person thinks of you is none of your business. If you need to talk to a stranger, just talk. You will either get an answer or you won’t. What is the worst thing that could happen? Nothing – Either you’ve made a favorable impression or you haven’t. Either way, you’ve done your part. You were brave enough to take the first step. The rest isn’t up to you.

 

To all of us who are starting out anywhere, let’s not let the perception of others, restrict us from being true to ourselves. The fear of the unknown will always be there, but maybe with a little bit of courage we can work around it and take that first step.

The “Worthless” Job

Did you know, there is such a thing as a “worthless” job? That a type of job that many people do, is actually considered worthless. Or useless? You’d be surprised to know what that is. I don’t think anyone would guess… Want to know which job that is? Being a Homemaker. Since when did taking care of your child and your house, become worthless or something that is absolutely “good for nothing”. As I have found, it has always been that way. I am surprised. When I took a break from my career 4 years ago to do this job, I gradually lost the respect of my spouse and probably most of his circle. You know, the people who measure a person’s worth by the amount of money he or she can bring in. You know, the type of people who measure success by the amount of dollars in your bank account.

Being a homemaker is an unpaid job as we all know. I know of many women and even men  who do this. I wonder if they all feel this way? There are so many reasons one chooses this “career” path. My intentions in choosing this path were very simple. Since my spouse moved to the United States, I wanted us all to be in the same place and since my child was a baby then, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Little did I know, that I would be made to feel utterly worthless, useless and demeaned just because I have now become a sort of “burden” in the house. This is what happens to a person on this type of job. The world narrows down. Your world is now your family – the four walls of your home. You will always be compared to other working women around you and you will always fall short. You will be judged on the way you look or dress because let’s face it you aren’t going to be cooking in high heels now are you? The glamour and the style you adopted before everyday, will be something you do once in a while. The technical world of computers and engineering now narrows down to nursery rhymes and giggles. Your circle will be other moms and your discussions will revolve around nutrition, play time and immunizations.

Some women in this type of job, may be also involved in studying further doing an online course or something to add to their skill set. Not all, but maybe few might. Its great if they can. And if you can’t, that is fine too. But beware, if all you do is take care of the house you are deemed “lazy”. How hard can it be to do this? Why couldn’t you learn something else in this time? You wasted all this time just taking care of the house? How will that help you if you want to restart your career? What will you add in your resume? Cooking? Who will give you a job based on that? No one would, but does that mean you are “worthless”? How is it that success is only measured by your career path? Isn’t raising a healthy, happy and kind child also as important, if not more?

I am absolutely amazed at those women who have it all – a career and a family. Those working moms who are able to contribute financially to their families. Its wonderful that they get an opportunity to do so. I wonder if they are being judged for not spending time with their children? Or spouse? I wonder if they are being made to feel like their priorities aren’t right? If I had an opportunity to work while here, I am not sure if I would have taken it or not. I don’t regret the time I spent with my son all through his early years. Now, that he has started school full time, I feel its the right time to restart my career. It isn’t easy to find companies that would take a chance on someone who has been on a break. I can understand that. If all you did in the last 4 years is cooking and cleaning, then how will you contribute to the organization? I mean, yes that is a valid question. Having said that, why are we deciding that without even knowing them or giving them a chance.

It is never too late to start or restart something. You may have wasted all your time doing nothing, but you are by no means worthless. You do have value. I learnt that the hard way. Your worth is never measured in the amount of money you make or the number of promotions you get, or a job that pays well. If anyone is measuring your worth that way, there is something wrong with them, not you.

There was this movie that came out many years ago, “The Prince of Egypt” and there was a song in it that was all about a person’s worth –

How can you see what your life is worth, Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life through heaven’s eyes!

This is the most difficult thing you will ever do. To never let another person decide your worth no matter what you do. But if you can, tell me how, because I am still learning too.

 

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. 1 Corinthians 15:10

Wake up America – Land of the Doomed !

America, the land of dreams, anyone who ever wanted to be someone would aspire to come to this country. Growing up in a country like India, I have seen my share of people who wanted to go to the USA to study, work or settle down. One in every family I knew, had someone or other, living in the United States. It became a matter of pride and prestige to have someone in your family living in the US. As long as I can remember, I could hear my friends, colleagues, acquaintances, plotting and planning to move to the United States to “live the American dream”. If you look at the statistics, you can see that a large number of people that immigrate to the US are Indian. Why? Because of the hype, because we think America is better, because we feel that US is a land of opportunities.

Very true, America is indeed a land of opportunities. No other super power in the world, can offer you so many opportunities to get shot or killed, due to ignorance, racism, religion and hate, be it in a school, airport, concert or even a church. I still remember, when I first moved here few years ago, I was thrilled to be living in a Christian country. After being born and brought up in a country, where we were the minority, it was refreshing to live in a place where there was a church on every corner. I remember the happiness I felt, the first time I heard the Gospel song play on the radio…something which never happened in India. I used to think, that America was a Christian country, I don’t think that anymore.

The words, “Under God, One Nation” mentioned in the American pledge of Allegiance, probably mean nothing to most Americans. Which God are these people referring to? Because if it is the God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, the God who made you and me, then I am certain that there wouldn’t be this much gun violence.

Yet another school shooting, children being shot in a place they were supposed to be safe. So now, we will see candlelight vigils, prayers for the families, offers for donation, Facebook pages dedicated to the victims and everyone and the media criticizing the government for their policies on lack of gun control. So, for a week, we will see all of these floating around the internet… and then, 7 days later, it is back to square one, till the next time a shooting happens at another school, or another church or another airport.

Wake Up America! What kind of a Christian nation has America become? Living the American Dream, is starting to seem a lot like getting yourself ready to be shot and killed in a place where you least expect. What kind of education are we providing to our children, who think it is okay to pick up a gun and start shooting? What kind of families is America raising, where a 17 year old, who is not even old enough to drink, is now old enough to shoot? Wake up America, before it is too late, before children are forced to become adults before their time, before America becomes hell on earth.

What kind of message is this nation supposed to show the world? Aren’t we Christians, called to live by Example? So, what example is this country showing to the world? That gun violence in schools is okay? That people should now be scared of going to the church? Or a Concert? If everyone who has depression or mental disorders, pick up guns and shoot, what kind of world are we living in? I am by no means, belittling anyone suffering from depression, or mental anxiety… but how does killing help? Where is the justice in that?Why isn’t this nation doing more to help depression, suicide and mental disorders? Why aren’t we?

Wake up America… Wake up, before it is too late. The statistics speak for themselves.

I am deeply sorry to every family who has lost someone to this unnecessary gun violence. I am truly sorry to every parent who has lost a child in unnecessary school shootings, to everyone who has lost a loved one in concert or church shootings. I am truly sorry, that nothing has been done to make this nation safer. I am sorry that, all we do, is post messages on the internet and offer up meaningless words of condolences. I am angry, that each one of you who has been affected, has to go through this, through no fault of your own. I am livid and furious that no matter what happens, nothing will change in this country, because American laws and policies, make it impossible. I am sorry for each and every loss you feel, for the rest of your lives and I am deeply sorry that nothing will ever compensate you for it.

I believe in a true God and I pray for each one of you to find some measure of comfort that will sustain you for the rest of your lives, till you meet your loved one in heaven. It is all I can do, and I am saddened that I cannot do more. That nobody can do more… that this nation cannot do more for you.

Rest in Peace, all the dear ones who have lost your lives to unnecessary gun violence. Heaven has gained new angels who will forever live on, in our hearts.

Human Nature of Comparision

It is human nature to compare yourself with others. And every time we do that, we always fall short of some imaginary grade. There will always be someone better than you in every aspect of life. If you are a software professional, there will be someone in your office who is a superior professional. He/she would always be able to do all their work and yours in half the time and if you compare yourself with them, you will always fall short. All of you in the Information Technology field, working in big Multinational companies know exactly what I am talking about.

And then, there is your personal life. I used to have this colleague a few years ago, who had a girlfriend, who was smart, funny, beautiful and every time I used to look at her, I could not help but feel this envy that I could never be like her. She had tons of friends and people always seemed to be drawn to her and her boyfriend (my colleague) was besotted with her. They went on to get married, have a daughter and pretty much start their own business. To this day, I feel like such a failure, whenever I look at her life (Well, as much of her life that I can see on Facebook at least). Everything she does, the way she cooks, the way she takes care of her child, even the way she celebrates her birthdays and other occasions, etc. always seemed to be so much better than anyone else I have known. Although, all I can really know is what I see on Facebook, still, I cannot help but wonder, whether I could ever be like her. The sad reality is that, every one of us has someone in our life whom we think we should be or aspire to be and we always fall short of that, regardless of what we do.

This has nothing to do with a role model. Having a role model is a good thing. We could never be envious or jealous of a role model. In most cases, a role model is someone who inspires us to do something better in our life. No, what I am talking about here, is simple and plain comparison with someone else. There will always be someone to compare. Sometimes other people compare and judge us with another person and sometimes it is we ourselves, who think that someone else is better, because we have not done a certain thing the way they have done it, OR we think that the way they have done it, is much better and feel jealous that we did not think of doing it that way. This is human nature.

Comparisons are usually the result of low self-esteem although this is not always the case. People with high self-esteem can also doubt themselves. Someone will always be more talented, more beautiful, more rich, happier, more satisfied than you in every case. They may have a better life, a better job, a better spouse, a better family and their life always seems to be put together beautifully, while you feel that you are struggling in the most basic aspects of your life. Human nature dictates that we cannot help, but keep looking for ways to win against this person or persons with whom we have these kinds of comparisons. More often than not, that person is not even aware of your existence, let alone that you have been comparing yourself with them. The truth is that even that person has his/her own battles to face every day. He/She may have everything put together on Facebook, which is what is making you feel so down, but the reality could be very different.

It is all about perspective. What you see when you look at them, may be very, very different from what is actually going on in their life. Not everyone who posts happy photos on Facebook are happy and not everyone who posts sad photos are unhappy. The fact is, we may never know what is going on in another person’s life regardless of how envious or jealous of them we may be. The only thing that is true is that when we compare ourselves with others, more often than not, we will end up being depressed, because it will always seem that we fail this imaginary competition. Being happy or satisfied with yourself begins with you. God made every single one of us in his own image and He has blessed us with different personalities and talents and each one of us can be the best that we can be with God’s help. Unfortunately, it is human nature to doubt. We think we are less that what we are because someone else seems to be better. It is not easy to stop comparing yourself with others. But it can be done and it needs to be done. With everything that is going on in your life, comparing and feeling bad about yourself is just an added overhead to an already complicated life.

It does not matter what other people think of you. Even the people who do great things or good things – which we feel that we are not doing so, does not really matter, because God looks at the heart. A person doing something good or generous, is not necessarily a good person. You do not know what is in their heart. If you are sincere in your feelings and your doings, then that is all that matters. People’s perception should not matter. Accepting this and following it is very difficult. We live in the age of too much information and it always gives us negative thoughts about ourselves and about our life. Filter out the bad thoughts. It is okay to doubt yourself, it makes us question certain things and sometimes we may find answers that will enrich our life. But never think that you are less than someone else, OR that someone else is better. No one is perfect. It is the imperfections in each of us that make us who we are and being happy with who you are makes you content. When you do reach this state of contentment, please let everyone know because I too am still trying to get there! 🙂

 

But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load. Galatians 6:4-5